


This Is How You're Remembered

by Matsuda-senpai (Amethyst_The_Gem)



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Blood, Brother-Sister Relationships, Character Death, Crying, Death Row, Death and Blood, Execution, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, I'mhorribleIknow, Kira - Freeform, LightIsDead, Love, Sayucries, Screaming, Vomiting, fic based on a fic, light and sayu loved each other you can't change my mind, mass-murder, rifles, sorrynotsorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27208192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethyst_The_Gem/pseuds/Matsuda-senpai
Summary: On the day of her brother's death, Sayu makes a mistake she can never take back.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	This Is How You're Remembered

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [This Is How I Disappear](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3821341) by [TzviaAriella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TzviaAriella/pseuds/TzviaAriella). 



> Hey guys. So this fic is based on an amazing fic called 'This Is How I Disappear'. The idea of Sayu watching Light die is my own, but the content of Light dying is not, so please go read that fic first, or this won't make any sense (plus that fic is just freaking amazing and deserves any and all the attention it gets). 
> 
> I know I mentioned at the end of my last fic that it was probably going to be the darkest fic I've ever written.....well I lied. I think this one probably takes the cake, by a long shot (pun....only slightly intended, but you'll see what I mean), so yeah, prep yourself for that, because it's gonna be a hell of a ride. 
> 
> Just some quick TWs, descriptions of blood and death are in this fic, as well as descriptions of vomit, hysteria, and panic attacks. Please keep that in mind if you decide to read this fic.

Today was a day Sayu would never forget, even if she tried. A day of pain, suffering, and _death._ Her only older brother, Light, was sentenced to execution, for becoming the criminal mass-murderer known as Kira.

Standing across from her, her father, Soichiro, and her mother, Sachiko. They had evacuated their house, in favor of staying at a hotel paid to keep their location a secret for the day.

“Sayu, we’re going over to the convenience store to pick up a few things, do you need anything?” Her father’s voice was calm, despite the situation.

  
  
“No, I’m fine.” Sayu gave a small smile, a _fake_ smile. “Thanks mom, thanks dad.” Sayu knew it was usually her job to go to the store, but this time, things were different. Her parents were worried for her safety, and so had opted to go themselves.

“Alright then, we’ll be back soon.” Soichiro stepped outside, with Sachiko following close behind.

With shaking hands, Sayu picked up the television remote. One breath. Two. She flicked on the TV, watching for the news report she knew was coming. She wanted to hear her brother’s last words, his _true_ last words, not the ones he had spoken in that room, that horrible prison cell, but the ones he spoke to the world, even if they were a confession of being a mass-murderer.

However, nothing Sayu thought she could have done would have possibly even begun to prepare her for the sight laid in front of her on the TV screen. Her brother, sitting proud and tall, but restrained by bonds of leather to a hard, metal chair. Her breath caught in her throat, as she took in the view of Light staring into the camera, _knowing_ he was about to die, but acting as if he was not scared in the slightest.

“ _My name is Light Yagami. I’m nineteen years old. I graduated high school last spring, top in my class. I’m a student at Todai university, or I was. Most of you are probably thinking you’ve never heard of m, but you have. You see-I am Kira.”_

Sayu remained silent as she listened, every word Light spoke cut to her heart as if she were being stabbed by a knife, his proud voice declaring his sins creating an ache in her chest. But yet she couldn’t bear to turn it off, couldn’t force herself to turn away.

From there, Sayu only heard bits and pieces of Light’s confession, her focus switching between listening to his voice and taking in the last sight she would ever see of her brother.

“ _I know what you must be thinking…..why I did it...to be a god...judge the guilty…….paint me as a monster.”_

Sayu sobbed, clutching at the television remote as if it were her lifeline. She couldn’t deny it, and she knew it. All the world would ever know of her brother, that she had loved so dearly, was these final moments of his, of _Kira_. Not the patient older brother who taught her math, not the sly older brother who helped her sneak out on chores, not the overbearing older brother who genuinely cared about her wellbeing. All they would know is the face of a proud, dying mass-murderer.

As Light once again announced that he was Kira, Sayu couldn’t help but notice his voice was shaking, no matter how much he tried to hide it. She knew her brother, how he was nearly always calm, so to hear his voice waver, even in the slightest, was so unnerving that it sent a shiver down her spine. “Light….”

“ _In a few minutes, I’m going to die. I know that.”_

Once again, Sayu began to tune out Light’s words, focusing on purely the sound of his voice, of his mannerisms, even as he spoke not as Light, but as Kira, she locked every moment away in her memory.

Her attention was snapped back to Light’s words once more, as he mentioned his family. She felt a fresh wave of tears rising, but held them back to be able to see Light’s face as clearly as possible. Dropping the remote beside her, she reached for the screen, knowing, _knowing_ that her hand would only find pixels, not human flesh against her fingertips, but still desperate to try.

As Light apologized for his wrongdoings, of failing his family, Sayu caressed the TV screen as if it were Light’s cheek she was touching, her palm pressed against his. As Sayu herself in particular was called out, she could no longer contain the wave of tears that threatened her eyes. She clutched the side of the TV stand, and forced herself to stand and back away as Light pleaded his final words to them. _“Please, don’t watch.”_

For yet a third time, Sayu hardly paid Light’s words any mind, instead re-playing to herself what she had already heard him say. Admitting to being Kira. Wishing he could have done more. Aspiring to be a _god_. But most of all, his confessions to her, personally, and to their parents. _“I love you.”_

“I love you too!” She blurted out as she watched through blurred eyes, tears stinging her eyes, the salt leaving red streaks down her cheeks.

  
  
As Light continued, she listened in silence, save from her crying, until he faltered, panicking. She couldn’t help but find that strange, even amid such an emotional moment. Light was _always_ able to complete speeches he put his mind to. Was he just shaken from the prospect of...of dying? Surely, that must be it.

That train of thought unfortunately brought fresh to Sayu’s mind that her brother was being put into a televised broadcast of his _death row execution._ She shook her head, clearing the thought from her mind, vowing she would only keep it on long enough to hear everything he had to say.

Mere moments later, Light was supplied with the word he had hesitated on, given a moment to recenter, then once again put on the mask of Kira, once again the proud, merciless mass-murderer that everyone knew, not her brother she loved.

As Light finished speaking, she reached for the remote, only to hear his voice cut in with panic, so she dropped her hand to her side, a gasp finding its way to her lips. Was he going to plead release? What would happen? Would it only hasten his death?

Sayu watched as Light averted his attention away from the camera, addressing not the people of the world watching through a screen, but the people who were there to...to _kill him_. And of all things, he _thanked them_. Why?! They were going to steal her brother away, and even though his sins were enough to deserve death a thousand times over, she couldn’t imagine the prospect of him _thanking_ them!

But his final words, so soft that they were almost incomprehensible, stole the breath away from Sayu’s lungs, a punch in the gut the likes of which she had never felt before.

“ _Don’t miss.”_

Sayu wrapped her arms around her chest, hugging tight. One breath. Two. Three. Over and over she forced herself to breathe, fighting back waves of nausea as the reality settled in that _her brother was about to die._

“ _Light?”_

Sayu gasped and stared point-blank at the TV screen. The voice speaking wasn’t Light’s, as it had called his name, and it was familiar, so very _familiar_ , but yet it couldn’t be... could it?  
  
_“Light, I’m sorry-”_

It was! The voice belonged to Matsuda, one of the cops that worked with their father. One of the cops whom she had seen a couple of times, who was always kind to her in passing. This man, this sweet, kind-hearted man, was being forced to _kill_ her brother, something he would have to live with for the rest of his life. “No! Oh God, please, no!” She screamed, shaking her head with such a violent force that it pained her, until she hung it down from grief. “Don’t...don’t do this to him! Don’t make him _kill_!”

But her cries went unanswered, and she once again raised her head, her body trembling with rage, and fear, and despair. The broken, distant eyes of her brother stared back at her. already, he was dead, if not in body then in mind.

And then, _then_ , it was time, Sayu realized. For Light’s death, for Light’s _execution_. His eyes were blinded by a dark cloth, but was it a mercy, or a cruelty? To not be able to see in your final moments, to die in darkness, in _emptiness_. A fear of the unknown, a building sense of dread that would only end when so did your life.

The next moments were agonizing, Sayu frozen in position, unable to will her body to move. She knew she should turn away, she should turn the program off, but despite her silent commands, she couldn’t. She was too shocked, too drawn in, even though she _knew_ what was coming next.

“ _Tooryanse, tooryanse, koko wa soko no hosomichi ja?”_

Sayu’s eyes went wide, a strangled sob escaping her lips as Light’s voice reached her ears, a soft song of their childhood. She hadn’t heard him sing it in years, but she knew it. What was it meant to be now, a comfort for Light in his final moments?  
  
His voice rang from that horrid metal chair, it tugged at Sayu’s heart, as she became increasingly aware of it beating in her chest, heaving in breaths around the staggering pain. “Light!” Her hands shook as she reached again for the remote, _finally_ able to move.

But it was too late. Before she could turn it off, the fatal shots were fired, piercing Light’s body with a bang that echoed in Sayu’s ears, the bullets tearing at his chest. Sayu bit her tongue as the image of Light being shot to death burned into her mind, and she clutched at her stomach, holding back bile. “L…….L...Li-Light!”

Light’s voice was horrible, a strangled cry of pain as blood poured from his chest. Sayu could no longer bear to watch, and she tore her eyes away from the screen, her shoulders jerking as she sobbed. “Light!” She cried, acid burning at her throat, her stomach in shambles, “Light! I….I can’t...” Leaning forward, she pressed her palms to her thighs, tears sliding down her cheeks and landing in a puddle on the wooden floor.

Even though she couldn’t see it, she heard Light pronounced dead, and the announcement only served to further her grief. As the broadcast shifted to a news anchor reporting on the subject, Sayu depressed the button to turn off the television.

Heaving in a breath, Sayu fought back against her gag reflex, one breath, two...and then released, unable to contain it any longer. Pent-up acid and mucus spilled from her lips, and she crumbled to the floor, crying and spitting and shaking.

Her shoulders heaved with every gasp of breath, until finally she had emptied the contents of her stomach. Her mouth was filled with a bitter, rancid taste, and she grimaced with disgust for a moment, before her mind returned to her state of grief, Light’s bloodied body taunting her in front of her eyes, his wails of pain ringing in her ears. “Light! Light!” Over and over she spoke his name, broken and desperate and fearful.

Managing to gather the strength to rise, she took shaky steps to the kitchen, pouring a glass of water to rinse her mouth. The clear liquid was a welcome taste against her tongue, and she rinsed her mouth with it, then poured a new glass to drink, to force down the stinging sensation in her throat.

“Oh, _Light_!” Moving away from the kitchen, she fell against the couch, burying her face into the cushion. “Light, please! You can’t...Y-you can’t leave me, not like this!” Hysteria took over as Sayu poured out her sorrows, begging and pleading in a futile cry, “Come back! Don’t take him! Don’t _kill him_!”

Blood, crimson and thick, it plagued her mind, until she realized it was settling on her own hand. In her grief she had pierced her lip with her teeth, and the blood had fallen to her hand. Light’s body once more flashed across her mind, and she screamed, loud and shrill and sorrowful. She pounded her fists into the couch, unbridled cries resounding from her lips.

No comprehensible words came from her, only mumblings of pain and desperation. She pressed into the cushions, gripping the sides of the sofa and sobbing. Light’s song rose in her ears, his voice shaky but soft, it only added to her grief as she heard clearly every note, every word.

Trapped in her thoughts, Sayu barely even noticed as a click sounded from the lock, the door being pulled open. “Sayu?!” Sachiko called, concern in her voice. “Sayu?! what’s the matter?!”

“M...mom! He’s...h-he’s _dead_!” Sayu raised her head, tear-stained cheeks and puffy, red eyes revealed to her parents. “Light is dead! I mean I already knew he was, but still!”

“Oh Sayu!” Sachiko was beside her in an instant, cradling her daughter as Soichiro sat on the other side, pulling her hair away from her face. “Don’t tell me you watched-”

“N...no!” Sayu cried, “I d-I didn’t! I... _yes!_ ” She admitted, clinging to her mother’s waist. “I...I only wanted to hear him speak! But I didn’t turn it off in time!”

“Sayu.” Soichiro’s voice was gentle, but firm. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“It was awful!” She choked out, “How could they _do_ that to him?!”

Sachiko whispered words of comfort to Sayu, rocking her and rubbing her back in soothing motions, tears streaming down her own face, knowing her daughter had seen her son _dead_ , killed in such a brutal fashion as gunshots.

Sayu’s cries continued, into the afternoon, she shook and sobbed and clung to her mother, barely ceasing long enough to breathe and drink, unable to stomach even the slightest of foods. Into the night, without ceasing, she cried and cried, screaming out Light’s name in desperate hysterics.

Only when she fell asleep, overcome from exhaustion, did her cries stop, silenced by fatigue.

To the world, Light Yagami was Kira, a murderer. But to her, he was a friend, a loved one, a _brother_.

“ _This is how I'll remember you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> And there you have it, my new darkest fic. I honestly felt bad putting Sayu through all this, but reading that original fic I just couldn't help but get the idea. 
> 
> I feel like saying "I hope you enjoyed" would be a little out of place, so instead I'll just say that comments and feedback are, as always, 100% welcome. 
> 
> Well, see y'all when I finish my next fic, til then I suppose.


End file.
